!RKY [reloaded]

what's on repeat lately?

noreply@blogger.com (manda) — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 02:34:00 +0000

how much longer do i need to pretend it doesn't hurt?

i ♥ ♥ ♥ this song. lykke is my ♥

hands down
i’m too proud for love
but eyes shut, it’s you I’m thinking of
but how we move from A to B
it can’t be up to me
cause you don’t know
eye to eye
thigh to thigh
i let go.

recovery

noreply@blogger.com (manda) — Sat, 03 Apr 2010 22:12:00 +0000

it's beginning to get colder now. how is it possibly the middle of autumn already? it's interesting how my workload so heavily influences my concept of time...but i love the colder months too much to care.

i've learnt a lot about myself so far this year. firstly - there are actually people i can lean on when i need them. & in fact the length of time i have known them is by no means an indicator of how much they care. nor is how many times i've been there for them. <3 ironically, it's refreshing to be the one falling apart.

& secondly, that under no circumstances should i feel like i "owe" anyone to the point that i put up with verbal abuse and emotional blackmail. i don't need to do anything. nor should i be expected to. i shouldn't feel like i'm a horrible person, and more importantly, i shouldn't be made to feel that way either.
there are other things i can waste my energy/thoughts on.

one of my friend's sister passed away from cancer last year & i've gotten to know the family and friends in the past few months. hearing about how much they hurt, watching them soldier on and help each other repair is enough to put my life into perspective.

there is no need to go through everything alone. it's important to open up and give your friends the opportunity to be there and show how much they love you. ♥

on another note, i watched a movie with some pretty scary scenes that should have been a bit too close for comfort...but i was okay. i was so surprised that i managed to sit through a fairly sick/horrific movie in good spirits. strange but true.

regress

noreply@blogger.com (manda) — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 04:28:00 +0000

in the past, posting was effortless. thoughts would flow straight from my mind, to my fingers, to the screen. it was easy.

looking at the seven drafts that never were published on this blog just proves how difficult it is for me now.

the office is so dead right now - no work and i'm still on holiday-mode. for some reason i decided to open up the LJ archives and its remarkable how i don't recognise that girl anymore.

the girl with the short hair, who took on other people's burdens whether they wanted it or not. the one who understood life but lived very little of it. the one who thought she'd be ready for anything the world threw at her. the complicated mind with complicated thoughts - i don't know who she is.

my life is making me simple.

iPhone

noreply@blogger.com (manda) — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 09:55:00 +0000

It's interesting. Blatant curiousity of the compatibilty of my beloved site with my iPhone browser has brought me back.

Seemingly from the dead.

It would seem as though I've outgrown irky.net but I know it's not like that. Even though you don't have as much time for something anymore doesn't mean you forget and move on.

I suppose I had my apprehensions about this year and the events that have unfolded. But looking back, it really was all for the best, and I couldn't imagine things any other way. I can say I have had an awesome 2008. I am so so happy and I'm surrounded by great people.I can't remember the last time I've felt this way which I guess makes this more special.

I'm more than ready for year 23. Glandular fever/whooping cough/pneumonia and all.

xoxo

Revisit

noreply@blogger.com (manda) — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 11:45:00 +0000

It's been a long time hasn't it?

I would have said it's been too long, but I think it was a good little hiatus. It is possible to honestly say I have left a lot of that behind. New slate and all that. It's been 5 months since my last post, and everything is so different.

Firstly, I'm on the other side of the world, doing something I completely did not expect to be doing. Secondly, a number of people who were influentual in my life then are no longer the people in my life now.

Everything I had planned for the second half of the year has been tossed out. Similarly, everything I had in mind for this site no longer seems relevant.

Three and a half months ago, if you told me what I'd be doing now, I would have laughed. Quite possibly have even scoffed at the thought. Right now, the next 6 to 8 months are uncertain for me and where I go from here all hinges on the next few weeks. & if anything, I have seen how significantly plans for the next year can change in the matter of days. I don't just mean myself either, a lot of people's lives on this project have been uprooted and redirected.

I honestly found the first month in Munich a bit hard to adjust and settle in properly to life over here. But after being home for the week and coming back, Munich is now like a second home for me. I know I was in Beijing for 3 weeks, but it was short. I knew I would be getting out of there and never had to settle in properly. It's a bit daunting to say, hey you're going to be here for half a year so it's time to make friends with work colleagues as you'll be spending over 100 hours a week with them, just get some food at your favourite restaurants, hang out, grab a coffee, go out with 'friends' etc.

I never knew things as simple as what time places close, travel distances and living out a suitcase in a hotel would have such an impact on my lifestyle. This has to be the hardest part.

& now my lifestyle has changed, my Sydney lifestyle seems so very foreign and different. I look back at my friends in Sydney and wonder how different our lives are. & hope that it will be easier to switch back, if I ever can.